White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I have fence marks all over my body
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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