I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
