How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
