FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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