Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
