I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
