My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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