I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
