Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize