Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
