12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
