Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
