You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
