hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
