apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
