You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
