Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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