doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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