this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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