I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I've blown a few things in my day
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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