Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
