I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
