none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
