My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
