why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
