Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
My life is pants optional.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize