U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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