scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
