i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
