Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
