All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
