Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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