I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
