I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
