I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
