She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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