Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
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He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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