maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
