I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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