You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
