I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
