I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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