Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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