??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
