Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
