Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
