He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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