i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
