on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
