Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
