tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
