why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
