the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
