i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Randomize
