I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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