To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
