Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
