her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
