but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
