i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
