HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
