o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
