you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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