I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
