Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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