I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
