The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
